I Take Thee in Dignity and Pride..

There is an old crumpled page under the bedsheet, something he left as a token after we spent the sunlit mornings holding each other close, cocooned in our truth. I never imagined the reality to be so blinding and unrelenting, like today. When I held the yellowed paper in my hand, I felt the slow recurring pain cripple my senses. I could not even hold the tears, for it was so jarring, this tumult of loss and the deadening sense of the present.

This afternoon brightened further, as I sat in silence, wielding the mind's energies towards a dark end. I thought of the possible sickness of his mind, of the loss I had, and of the blankness that uncovered the false sense of bliss. I still felt a bit raptured, and clasped in his arms, the stolid sense of defeat shrinking the desires further.

I realised that among all the truths he told me, and the lies he withheld, there was something unnerving about the romance that only lasted till a blink, or so I thought. I could not wish him away, this place, where the erect and proud poplar looked down at this small human tragedy.

I could only think of one thing. It was already evening, and the silence grew more solemn and grave. I walked past the little patch, where a child's scrawl with white chalk was half erased by footprints. I looked at my watch. I still had some time.

I came back home, and thought of sleep. It was a fearful refuge, for I knew I would wake up in another hour or so, perspiring and anxious. I fumed at this utter helplessness, this lack of comfort. Soon, the cold numbness took over.

To be continued..

so what do you do

When the stupid RJs on the radio do not realise that people are not waking up and rushing to office, they are trying to warm up for the day ahead (considering the winter season is setting in), the beauty of the morning is something else. You tune into radio, like me, and it's blaring "love me love me, your mumma .." and it's like whoaa.. you change the channel, and it's 'desi girl' or some rambunctious punjabi track. People inside the studios do not realise or see the day has just begun, and one need not be subjected to a rude alarm! You move to an English radio channel (thankfully, there is one), and there will be some obscure genre playing, which is still forgiven considering it's not so popular. Forgive me, if I am not getting the numbers or the TRP right. However, this is just a personal opinion. The entire journey to office becomes a boring chore, with uninspiring sounds reverberating from either sides. I generally keep a few CDs handy, which I listen to, but radio draws me closer because I have grown up listening to it. And, I still haven't fashioned myself to tune into my own player. I like listening to RJs, who have now touched new lows talking about dating, pranks, etc in the morning! The good ol' rainbow is not good ol' anymore. In this narrowed competitive space, they too have been churning out the same grind, instead of doing something different. I fume, fret, but that's it.

Why Does the Mind Prefer Silence

work in progress..